It’s encouraging that many urban schools are making an attempt to introduce their students to agriculture, farming, ranching, natural resource conservation, and the ins and outs of their food supply.
Recently an urban school took a sixth grade class on a field trip to a local dairy farm. They were told in advance that each student had an assignment to write a short essay about what most interested him or her on the field trip.
One lad became fascinated with the Holstein dairy cows. He absorbed up every tidbit of information he heard from the dairy farmer about the dairy cows in his herd.
The next day when the lad turned in his essay, it wuz about what he learned about a dairy cow. Here’s his essay”
“A dairy cow is a completely automatic, living, breathing milk-manufacturing machine. It is encased in untanned leather that can be in varying colors or in black and white. It is mounted on four vertical, movable supports, one on each corner.
“The front end contains a food cutting and grinding mechanism, as well as the headlights, air inlet and exhaust, a bumper and foghorn.
“At the rear is the milk dispensing apparatus. There is a flexible main milk container. Hanging down from it are four milk dispensers that are mechanically manipulated to extract the milk two times a day — which flows automatically into a stainless steel refrigerated tank for cold storage.
“The central portion of the cow houses a hydro-chemical conversion plant. It consists of four fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an intricate network of flexible plumbing. This section also contains the heating plant complete with automatic temperature controls, pumping station and main ventilating system. The waste disposal apparatus is at the rear under the tail, which serves as a built-in fly swatter.
“In brief conclusion, the externally visible features are: two lookers, two hookers,
four stand-uppers, four hanger-downers and a swishy-swishy.
“There is a similar critter known as a bull, which should not be confused with a cow. It produces no milk, but has other interesting uses involved in enabling the cow to produce baby cows — better known as calves.
“All things considered, the dairy cow is a marvelous animal that produces nutritious milk for humans to consume.’
***
A couple of weeks ago, I started naming and describing the multitude of friends I’ve written about in more than 50 years of writing this column. I received enuf favorable comments that I’m going to mention more friends in this column. Here they are:
A. C. Doocey, a gambler and electrician from Asbury, Mo.
The Reverend Raveon, a passionate minister to a rural congregation.
Oral Slick, an attorney.
Jacque Cass, a horse and mule trader.
Joe Blough, a rancher with a reputation as “windy.”
Cliff Hanger, a farmer just making it from year to year.
Pete Moss, an organic farmer
E. Z. Duzzitt, a friend of mine who mainly fishes in retirement.
Bass Ackwards, a farmer who is always a day late and a mile behind his neighbors.
Rollin P. Rarey, a Flint Hills cattleman.
Dan D. Akkers, a rural real estate agent
Dr. Gene Netics, a university animal breeder
Cullen Heavee, a dairy farmer breeding high performance cows
Early Wryser, a dairy farmer.
Noah Count, a politician
Salty Block, a feed store owner
Mrs. Fancy Stiles, a clothing store owner
Blackie Diamond, a watermelon farmer
Joe K. Stirr, a practical joke specialist
Herbie Gayshun, an irrigation farmer who applies weed killer in the water.
Ty T. Wadd, a rural banker
Gyde M. Childs, an FFA instructor
B. S. Moore, a farmer who always one-ups the conversation
Les N. Candid, a used car and truck dealer
And, lastly for this list, my uncle Bump R. Yield
***
Well, I’ve finally got another major project going at Damphewless Acres. A metal shop building on the back of our acreage got started last week. The concrete for the foundation and floor got poured. And, the framing for the sidewalls is about complete. Prior to the start of construction, our son-in-law, Harley Ryder, got a gravel road build to the building site.
My grandson and a friend are working on the shop on weekends, so it will be awhile before that shop/man cave is completed.
***
My fall second-gardening effort is turning out better than I expected, thanks to the warm weather and a late frost this fall. I’ve picked second-crop green beans, spinach, tomatoes, kohlrabi, Japanese radishes, yard-long beans, and peas. Plus, last week I picked and shucked about 50 ears of new-crop sweet-corn roasting ears. Yum. Yum. And, my fourth crop of regular radishes will be ready in about a week.
I’m about done with my dry beans. The pintos and the excess green beans are done and shelled. The yard-long beans are still producing. My only planting of okra is still producing and I’ve given a ton of it away to friends and neighbors.
***
Time for words of wisdom for this week. It’s a question. Here it is: “How did we old folks survive our childhoods when our mothers wiped our faces and ears with their spit on a hanky, not an antibacterial wipe. Plus, we drank water from a garden hose and rode in the back of pickup trucks with no safety harness?” Have a good ‘un.
