An elderly bachelor farmer/rancher, ol’ Abbott Dunn, wuz working with his attorney on the legal papers necessary for the distribution of all his property and personal effects when Abe departed this Earth.
After some long thought on the matter, Abe came up with a plan. He told his attorney that he wanted to split all his earthly wealth equally to three ladies to whom he had proposed marriage during his life. He said that all three had rejected his marriage proposal.
His attorney raised his eyebrows at the plan and asked, “Abe, why in the world do you owe those three women anything? They rejected you.”
To which Abe replied with finality, “It’s because of their refusals that I owe all my earthly happiness and my wealth.”
***
A rural couple were facing economic hardships. To paraphrase the lyrics of an old country music song, “There was too much month at the end of the money.”
During one such discussion about family finances, the hubby said, “You accuse me of spending too much on the farm. Can you name one thing that I’ve bought that we haven’t used on the farm?”
To which his quick-tongued wife replied, “Why, what about the expensive fire extinguisher you bought a year ago? We’re never used it once.”
***
A farm wife was actively, verbally supervising her teenage son as he worked and toiled in the family garden.
A neighbor driving by stopped and complimented the wife profusely on the beautiful garden.
After his mom generously accepted the neighborly compliment, the son piped up to the neighbor, “You know the reason for this nice garden, don’t you? Mom’s been blessed with a green tongue, not a green thumb.”
***
Sadly, I’ve been too busy this spring to do any fishing. But that didn’t keep my from hearing a good fishing story.
I liked the one about the guy, ol’ Kasten Hooker, who caught a giant spawning black bass in one of the Flint Hills’ beautiful limestone ponds.
When he got home, he went into the kitchen and exulted to his wife, “Hon, I caught a beauty of a bass today. I’m sorry you were too busy to go with me today, Sweetie. Fishing without you along just ain’t as fun as when I can share the great outdoors with you, Tootsie.”
At that his wife turned to him and tartly responded, “Cut the schmoozing, Sweetheart, dear. I ain’t cleaning it.”
***
Last week was one for the record books. I mentioned in the previous column that Nevah had hip replacement surgery and then had rehab problems. Well, the medicos came up with a reason. Nevah had a run-in with a blood chemistry problem that goes by the medical acronym of SIADH. That stands for Syndrome of Inappropriate Antidiruetic Hormone Secretion. That’s a mouthful.
The only reason for discussing Nevah’s health situation is to hopefully put folks on the alert to watch for it if they or loved ones are recovering from surgery or other undue physical stress.
Here’s a short definition of SIADH: “SIADH is a condition in which your body makes too much antidiuretic hormone (ADH). It caused disorientation. It plays a role in the balance of water and salt (sodium) in your blood, blood pressure, and kidney function. In short, a person’s blood sodium level crashes and causes your body to retain too much water. SIADH can affect anyone, but the likelihood of the condition increases with age. SIADH is more common in people who are recovering from surgery in a hospital due to the administration of fluids, certain medications and their body’s response to pain and stress.”
In Nevah’s case, two days after surgery her blood sodium level plummeted, causing her to fall. She spent a week in the hospital in Topeka where the medicos got her blood sodium back to normal. But, unfortunately, the fall caused a hairline fracture of her femur, several inches below her replaced hip.
That’s the bad news, the hopeful news is that her doc says the bone should heal on its own in a month to six weeks. Thankfully, she fully recovered from the temporary disorientation.
So, that’s where we’re at. We’re home at Damphewmore Acres. She’s rehabbing here and being careful. So far, so good.
***
Here’s a few words of wisdom for the week.
“Parents want their kids to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nuthin’ but the truth — unless there are visiting guests.”
“Beards still serve a useful modern purpose. They’re worn mostly by men.”
“The Golden Years are when your knees may buckle, but your belt won’t.”
***
That’s the scoop for this week. Have a good ‘un.
