We missed the Big Snow and the Big Rain, but we still got 2.5-inches of rain here in the Flint Hills — which wuz more than we needed — but we still consider ourselves lucky. It could have been much worse like the farmers in Missouri, Oklahoma and Arkansas are experiencing.
I feel deeply for the folks who lost dwellings, outbuildings and livestock in the floods east of us. One poor dairyman in southwest Missouri had more than 30 milk cows killed by one lightning strike. My friends in western Kansas tell stories of feedlot cattle dying in bunches and of calves that suffocated in the snow or starving because the blizzard separated them from their mothers. And that’s not counting the still-to-be-determined losses to the wheat farmers.
Mother Nature can be cruel at times and beautiful and wondrous at other times.
***
I’ve got a friend in Maine who lives on a small farm. He e-mailed me and said he needs an old-fashioned sickle mowing machine for his hay fields. He sez sickle mowers are non-existent in Maine. He’s making a trip back to Texas sometime this spring and would be able to transport a sickle mower back with him.
So, if anyone’s got a usable sickle mower for sale, my friend’s e-mail address is [email protected]. Be a good Samaritan and let him know.
***
I got a clarification of the word “service” this week. I am aware that many government agencies and commercial businesses use the word “service” when explaining what they can do for you. For example, Internal Revenue Service, U.S. Postal Service, Cable TV Service, Civil Service, State, City, County & Public Service, Customer Service, and political Constituent Service.
But today, at our weekly Old Boar’s Breakfast, I overheard two participants talking, and one of them said he bought a new bull to “service” his cows.
Bam! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies and businesses are doing.
Just wanted to take the opportunity to enlighten you.
***
It’s been awhile since I last heard from my electrician buddy from Asbury, Mo., ol’ A.C. Ducey. You’ll recall A.C.’s penchant for mind-altering beverages gets him into trouble.
Well, A. C. called recently and said he needed bail money. When I asked what for, he said a deputy sheriff pulled him over, shined his flashlight into A. C.’s face and said, “Your eyes are red. Have you been drinking?”
Then A. C.’s smart mouth replied,, “Your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating donuts?”
Then I understood why he needed bail money.
***
A retired rancher friend of mine from Burlington, Colo., ol’ Mano Fewerds, reports that the recent blizzard cut off all the electricity to his home for most of one evening and and his computer, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad and his new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then he discovered that his mobile phone battery was dead and the blizzard precluded doing anything outside, including shoveling snow.
So, Mano said he went into the kitchen to make coffee and then remembered that the coffee pot also needs power, so he sat at the kitchen table and talked with his wife for a couple of hours in the dim glow of a few candles.
Mano said she seems like a real nice gal.
***
An e-mail from a friend who works in an rural employment agency, ol’ Hiram Ifudare, related some of the employer evaluations he’d received in his office about recently-fired farm/ranch hired men.
Here are some of the most humorous:
“This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.”
“This man if really not so much of a has-been as much as he is a won’t be.”
“When this man opens his mouth, it’s only to change the foot in it.”
“This guy couldn’t organize a two-person tractor pull.”
“Under my employment, this man has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.”
“This guy was out of his depth the first feedlot puddle he stepped in.”
“This man worked like a gyroscope for me — always spinning around at a frantic pace, but going nowhere.”
“When this guy reaches rock-bottom, his instinct is to start digging.”
“When he worked for me, he set low personal standards and consistently failed to reach them.”
“He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.”
“This man will go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.
“His gates are down, the flights are flashing, but he doesn’t realize the train isn’t coming.”
“He works like a man with two brains. One is lost and the other is looking for it.”
***
Hope that provided a chuckle or two. Have a good ‘un.
