My friend of many, many years, Ole D. Scribe from Puyallup, Wash., summoned the energy to send me this funny story. Here’s his tale from decades ago:
“Dad bought a cow from a neighbor in Sunnyside and was leading her home with a rope halter when the cow decided she wasn’t going anyplace else — happy enough to run around her own pasture.
“Dad hung on for dear life, unfortunately, because the field was full of thistles and cockleburs. I was there, but totally no help. Dad finally let go of the rope, but not soon enough. (He may have uttered some of those cuss words you were considering as your very own just last week)
“There’s more. We got the cow part way home by tying the rope to the bumper of our Model A Ford. Half way there on a gravel road, the cow decided to lie down. The Model A’s wheels kicked gravel high in the air. The cow didn’t budge. I know today’s animal rights and protection people would have had us in jail, so I can only hope the statute of limitations doesn’t last longer that 50 or 60 years.
“Anyway, a neighbor came along. ‘I can get that cow up,’ he said. We were glad for any suggestions. Bud, with gloved hands, stood across the poor cow’s head, clamped his hands over both of her nostrils and waited. I concluded the cow was going to die right there, but after an amazingly long time, that ol’ cow leaped to her feet and calmly walked to Dad’s barn.”
Now that conjures up a vivid “Mental Home Video” in my imagination.
***
My neighbor and fishing buddy Mocephus told me a humorous story about one of his recent fishing trip. He was on the lake in a smallish boat with friends and family and Moe was wearing an inflatable life vest.
The vest is comfortable to wear when it’s deflated. If the wearer happens to fall overboard, a simple pull on a string activates a carbon dioxide capsule contained inside it and the vest instantaneously pops to full inflation.
Well, Mo says the group was relaxed in nonchalant fishing mode when, for reasons unknown, the vest self-inflated with a loud whoosh and a pop that almost made everyone in the group jump out of their skin and soil themselves.
Mo swears he thought a wayward small airplane has crashed into the boat.
In a way I wish I’d been there to witness that story, but in another way I’m glad I wuzn’t.
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Not many funny things happen at funerals or memorial services. But this humorous true story happened during the recent memorial service for David Gray, a New Zealand farmer and all-around good guy whom I wuz privileged to meet during one of his trips to see family in the U.S.
David’s memorial service wuz Skyped over the internet so friends and family in the U.S. could join in the mourning and the celebration of his life. My friend, ol’ Canby Handy, was in attendance at the internet gathering.
Canby says two of David’s life-long friends contributed this boyhood story during the memorial service. They said that on David’s 16th birthday, he’d made it very clear that he’d like to have a car as a birthday present. His two childhood mates said that they wrapped a gift for David to open at his birthday party.
When David opened their present, he found a package of Epsom Salts and a roll of toilet paper — and a note that read, “Couldn’t get you the whole car, but here’s the starter and the wipers.”
Those fellers were surely sturdy, loyal life-long friends.
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Jay Esse from flooded Loveland, Colo., sent me this story.
A Quaker farmer heard a strange noise in his house one night. Upon investigation, the farmer discovered a burglar busily at work gathering stuff to steal.
The pacifist Quaker had his gun in his hand when he said loudly, “Friend, I would do thee no harm for the world and all that is in it, but thou standest where I am prepared to shoot in a second.”
A more hasty retreat couldn’t be envisioned.
***
Jay also added that his doctor recently admitted that he has been prescribing a placebo tablet for the pain in Jay’s ancient knees.
But Jay says his doctor assured him that the pills are the strongest placebos on the market.
***
And, just for fun, Jay included that he’d recently been an invitee to the wedding of two cell phone towers.
He said the wedding wuz pretty normal, but the reception wuz fantastic.
Oh, go ahead and laugh. It won’t hurt you.
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I’ll even close with words of wisdom Jay sent me. He said the difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that the optimist laughs to forget and the pessimist forgets to laugh. Have a good ‘un.
