This past week saw everyone and his or her dog enter the fray and melee to become the next U.S. president.
The list is long and varied: Biden, Kennedy, Williams, Trump, DeSantis, Haley, Ramaswamy, Scott, Pence, Hutchinson, Christy, Burgum, Elder, Johnson, and West. The beliefs of the bunch span the political spectrum from far left to far right with a big middle in-between.
When I looked at the field, I thought “why not?” I’ve got name recognition with a large, faithful following. I’m younger, and spryer (barely) than the oldest of the presidential contenders. I think I have an abundance of good ol’ country common sense.
And, most important for any politician, I can make promises I can’t keep as well as anyone.
So, with all those factors in mind, I am hereby launching the Milo Yield Common Sense Campaign for President of the United States.
In preparation for the upcoming political fray, I took 10 minutes to plan a winning platform for my campaign. Here it is:
1. A pot roast in every pot.
2. A blanket on every bed.
3. A roof over every head.
4. Fuel in every vehicle.
5. Fast internet speed for every purpose.
6. Universal affordable electronic entertainment.
7. A pill for every ailment.
8. Universal chug-hole-free roads.
9. Schools that teach reading, writing, mathematics, physical sciences, biological science, honest history, personal finances, civics, leadership and ethics.
10. And, last and most important, a job for everyone to earn for themselves the first nine items in my platform.
I promise to limit my campaign spending to “a free e-mail tree” with my readers emailing my platform to all their friends and requesting their friends to do the same. Within days everyone in the USA will know about my campaign.
I also promise to never allow a Political Action Committee (PAC) to raise money for me and speak for me.
I also promise to shun money from favor-grubbing special interests — lobbyists — looking to curry special favors from me. I will make public the names — and list of favors wanted and incentives offered to me — of all such lobbyists who approach me.
I think that’s enuf to get me over the top and into the Oval Office. My campaign should be fun and relaxing as I don’t plan on hitting the road or making public appearances. That’s a campaign strategy that’s not original with me.
***
It’s early summer and small churches throughout rural America are hosting Bible Schools for the church members’ kids.
To honor both teachers and students who attend bible schools, here’s a couple of funnies:
After providing her class with a detailed account of Jonah and the whale, the Sunday School teacher asked one of her students, “Now can you tell us what lesson that story teaches?”
To with the student promptly replied, “It teaches that you can’t keep a good man down.”
***
A 5-year-old returned home after his first day at Bible School. When his mother asked how his day had went, the youngster blurted, “I’m not going back. I can’t read. I can’t write. And the teacher won’t let me talk.”
***
A farmer teacher at summer Bible School was teaching about Noah’s Ark and about how two horses, two cows, two sheep, two pigs, and two chickens were all taken onto the Ark. He emphasized that all animals that boarded the Ark came in couples so they could be saved from the flood.
When he asks for a volunteer about the lesson to be learned from the Noah parable, one enthusiastic youngster waved her hand wildly and shouted out, “You have to be married to be saved.”
***
Here’s a non-Bible School funny: A farmer, ol’ Aiden Comfert, helped out a neighbor in financial trouble. In telling another neighbor about his financial assistance, Aiden noted, “He was so grateful, he told me, ‘I’ll never forget you.’”
“So, what happened,” the other neighbor asked?
Aiden grimaced and replied, “He spoke the truth. He never forgot my charity. Every time he gets into financial trouble, he calls for help.”
***
Words of wisdom for the week: If you make $50,000 a year and your wife makes nuthin’, she’s a dependent. But if she makes $50,000 a year and you make nothing, you’re a lazy bum. Have a good ‘un.
