Anyone who has bought and then tried to interpret and use a hunting or fishing license — or if he/she is trying to interpret an IRS tax form — will appreciate this message that appeared in my e-mail box. I have no idea if it’s true. I have no idea who originated it. I have no idea who the people involved are. But, I do think it’s funny enuf — and thought-provoking enuf — and ironic enuf, for you to enjoy. Here goes:
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The State of Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife sent a letter to a
home/landowner asking for permission to access a creek on his/her/their property
to document the decline in a certain species of unheard of frogs. The property owner’s response in the second letter is hilarious.
Original letter from Oregon Dept. of Fish & Wildlife:
Dear Landowner:
ODFW Staff will be conducting surveys for foothill yellow-legged frogs & other amphibians over the next few months. As part of this research, we would like to survey the creek on your property. I am writing this letter to request your permission to access your property.
Recent research indicates that foothill yellow-legged frogs have declined significantly in recent years and are no longer found at half their historic sites. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated and will help contribute to the conservation of this important species.
Please fill out the attached postage-paid postcard and let us know if you are willing to let us cross your property or not. If you have any concerns about this project, please give us a call. We would love to talk with you about our research.
Sincerely,
ODFW
***
Response by landowners:
Dear ODFW:
Thank you for your inquiry regarding accessing our property to survey for the yellow-legged frog. We may be able to help you out with this matter.
We have divided our 2.26 acres into 75 equal survey units with a draw tag for each unit. Application fees are only $8.00 per unit after you purchase the “Frog Survey License” ($120.00 resident / $180.00 Non-Resident). You will also need to obtain a “Frog Habitat” parking permit ($10.00 per vehicle).
You will also need an “Invasive Species” stamp ($15.00 for the first vehicle and $5.00 for each add’l vehicle). You will also want to register at the Check Station to have your vehicle inspected for non-native plant life prior to entering our property. There is also a Day Use Fee, $5.00 per vehicle.
If you are successful in the “draw,” you will be notified two weeks in advance so you can make necessary plans and purchase your “Creek Habitat” stamp. ($18.00 Resident / $140.00 Non-Resident).
Survey units open between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m., but you cannot commence survey until 9 a.m. and must cease all survey activity by 1 p.m. Survey Gear can only include a net with a 2″ diameter made of 100% organic cotton netting with no longer than an 18-ft handle, non-weighted and no deeper than 6′ from net frame to bottom of net. Handles can only be made of BPA-free plastics or wood.
After 1 p.m., you can use a net with a 3″ diameter provided you purchase the “Frog Net Enhancement” ($75.00 Resident / $250 Non-Resident). Any frogs captured that are released will need to be released with an approved release device back into the environment unharmed.
As of June 1, we are offering draw tags for our “Premium Survey” units and application is again only $8.00 per application. However, all fees can be waived if you can verify “Native Indian Tribal rights and status.”
Before commencing the survey, you will also need to provide evidence of successful completion of the “Frog Surveys and You” comprehensive course on frog identification, safe handling practices, and self-defense strategies for frog attacks. This course is offered on-line through an accredited program for a nominal fee of $750.00.
Please let us know if we can be of assistance to you. Otherwise, we decline your access to our property, but appreciate your inquiry and your interest in wildlife.
Sincerely,
Landowners
***
The above is not only an amusing story to me, but also a perfect reply to an over-reaching bureaucracy that seldom sees itself on the other end of it’s oft-times ridiculous regulations.
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Here’s an Ole & Lena joke that I hope doesn’t provoke the Scandinavian PC police.
Ole, who’d spent his entire life on a small farm in Wisconsin, for the first time in his life was checking into a swanky Milwaukee hotel.
After checking in, the bellboy grabs Ole’s suitcase and heads upstairs. When the door opens, that’s when Ole says, “Whoa there, fella. I ain’t gonna take no tiny little room like this with no windows, no bed, no running water, and no view. You can treat me like a fool just because I’ve spent my life on a farm. I still got good common sense.”
The bellboy sighs and replies, “Mister. This isn’t your room. It’s the elevator to take you to your room.”
***
I see someone invented a simple, yet highly useful, hand tool for use by farmers, ranchers, and mechanics. It’s a new style of crescent wrench that works both for English and Metric hardware. It’s a wonder no one thought of that idea before.
Have a good ‘un.
