OK, I’m officially fed-up with weathermen and news anchors telling me that statistics show overwhelmingly that human beings are happiest during the summer. Those of you that know us at all are aware that Joyce and I absolutely hate the heat of summer. My dad was just the opposite; in weather like we’ve had the last week, he would have had windows open and MAYBE the ceiling fan going, but certainly not the AC. I keep thinking that as I get older, I’ll get more of his love for the heat. But nope, the older I get, the worse I hate it. I feel tired and drug-out by mid-morning, have absolutely zero energy, and the only joy I get from days like this is the fact that it will be dark again in a few hours and I can just go to bed. The Kansas summer heat is the main reason we no longer have a boat. Once it got hot, which often coincides with some of the summer’s best fishing, the boat sat in the shed. I heard that a local popcorn farm has erected a giant dome over all this year’s popcorn fields to contain all the popcorn that is popping right on the stalks. They now call their farm the Jiffy Pop Farm.
We’ve all heard the usual one-liners about how hot it is, but here are a few new ones I’ve come up with.
It’s so hot that a woman in the McDonalds drive-thru intentionally spilled her coffee in her lap to cool off.
It’s so hot that the beggar sitting outside Walmart today had a sign that read “Will work for shade.”
It’s so hot that beer guts and big butts no longer keep people from wearing shorts.
It’s so hot that CRP now stands for Crispy Rotational Pasture.
it’s so hot that congress actually had to take their hands out of OUR pockets to fan themselves.
There was a knock at the door the other day, and when I opened it there stood someone I’ve never met before asking if they could stick their head in our freezer for a couple minutes.
It’s so hot that the camels at the Sedgwick Co. Zoo want transferred to the Sahara Desert where it’s cooler.
It’s so hot that my niece’s pigs are complaining about sweating like humans.
I’m going to ask that the next time someone plans a pandemic, they wait till summer so I couldn’t care less about leavin’ the house anyway.
It’s so hot that just today I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog, hoping to get peed-on.
It so hot today that all the artificial flowers at the cemetery are dying.
And finally, its so hot that professional hockey teams are considering playing on rollerblades this year because the ice won’t freeze.
Continue to Explore Kansas Outdoors.
Steve can be contacted by email at [email protected].
