Crop farmers have been going at their field work hot and heavy recently. As I drive through farming country, I can’t help but notice that with all the farming equipment getting larger and larger, and the ever-larger tractors needed to operate that equipment, there’s one glaring problem: The tractors are so big that they can’t negotiate tight spaces. They need a long country mile just to make a turn.
So, farmers need to know, that decades ago I invented the perfect, powerful tractor that can handle tight field spaces like point rows or the middle of hay fields with ease and precision.
I call it the GYRO TRACTOR, model GT, pictured below, and it has many advantages in addition to maneuverability and handling ease. But, first, let me point out the obvious. The tractor is powered by a diesel engine that gets a gigantic, horizontal fly wheel spinning around the operator cockpit around a thousand revolutions per minute — generating a tremendous amount of kinetic energy.
Just like a giant kid’s top, the spinning gyro band maintains the tractor’s balance, while giving it the Global Positioning System ability to turn on a dime in any direction. It makes point rows and tight field spaces fun, not headachey.
And, when extra torque in needed for pulling or operating heavy equipment, a simple transmission switch puts all the kinetic energy of the spinning gyro band into pure pull-power. Be careful about whiplash when you flip the switch.
Let me remind that the Gyro Tractor has other benefits beyond being handy to operate. First, quite clearly: The GT requires only one expensive tractor tire — not four or more. Quite a cost savings right there. Second, the kinetic energy of the spinning gyro band amplifies the engine’s power, and, thusly, reduces the GT’s diesel fuel requirement. Quite another savings with today’s ridiculous fuel prices.
Third, being quick-handling in tight spots reduces field time and operator stress — and we all know that time is money and that a happy tractor operator is more productive than a grumpy one. Who knows, that fact alone might save a rural marriage — another big potential cash savings.
That pretty well covers the main Gyro Tractor benefits. However, I’ll add that when not in field use, four hydraulic stabilizer pads automatically drop to the ground or shop floor to balance the GT at rest.
Oh, in the interest of farm safety and full merchandise disclosure, and to keep the Occupational Safety and Health Administration off my case, this safety warning: “Do Not Step From the Operator Cockpit Onto the Spilling Gyro Band” —unless you want to be flung unceremoniously into the next county.
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I didn’t think the purple martins were going to return to Damphewmore Acres this year becuz I wuz late getting their birdhouse homes set up for them. But, just about the time I’d given up hope, on May 12 two pair of purple martins arrived and began their immediate yearly task of evicting the interloping, nasty starlings and English sparrows who have already set up housekeeping.
That task will take a few hours and then the martins will settle into devouring nuisance insects and raising the next generation of their kind.
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The bullies of the henhouse finally dethroned the “Rooster King” last week. The stately red rooster had literally ruled the roost for more than a year — lording it over the four roosters with lesser status on the pecking order.
Well, I don’t know if they ganged up on the King, or whether a single rooster did the task, but one evening I found the King with his head all bloodied, one eye swelled shut, and his feathers completely disheveled. The King went from the top to the bottom in the flock pecking order within hours.
He wouldn’t even come into the henhouse until almost dark and then he roosted on the bottom roost. In a couple of days, the defeated King just disappeared. I don’t know if he just slunk away, embarrassingly, to die in peace, or if a predator nabbed him sometime during the day.
All I know is the “Rooster King” is gone — dethroned by a bigger bully.
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Words of wisdom for the week: “I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.” Also, “I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed the exit.” And, last, “Senility has been a pretty smooth transition for me.”
Have a good ‘un.
