Trying to outrun economic inflation and tough economic times on his farm, an enterprising, innovative farmer trained himself as an entertainer for hire. He became semi-famous with an act he billed as “Living on the Cutting Edge in Ag.” That was a fancy way of promoting his newly-acquired skill as a knife juggler.
Well, one night he was speeding his way home from a booking, when he was pulled to the shoulder of the road by a highway patrolman. As the officer approached the vehicle, he flashed his flashlight into the back seat where he noticed a large number of knives of all sizes.
Looking at the farmer/entertainer he asked sharply, “Sir, do you have a good reason for needing all those sharp knives?”
Smiling back soberly, the farmer answered, “Why, yes, officer, I’m an agricultural entertainer. I juggle those knives. They are the most essential part of my performance.”
Realizing the patrolman was giving him a highly skeptical look, the farmer/entertainer said, “Officer, with your permission, I’ll be more than glad to give you a demonstration.”
Cautiously, the officer stepped back and said, “Okay, I doubt you. But, give it a whirl. You’d better be telling the truth or I’m going to have to arrest you for both speeding and for posing a threat to the public.”
Soon, the farmer had unloaded his knives and was on the side of the road, squarely in the headlight beam of his vehicle, tossing the knives and juggling them high into the air with ease.
At that precise moment, two old men travelers happened to drive by. They were returning home from an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting and both gazed at the improbable scene in astonishment.
One of the oldsters looked at the other and said, “Aren’t you glad we gave up drinking. These sobriety tests are getting ridiculous!”
***
You can’t live in the Flint Hills without having some interaction with wildlife almost every week.
I noticed a couple of days ago that the purple martins have reared their brood and vamoosed for the winter. They were later than usual to arrive last spring and now they’ve left for the winter earlier then usual. The barn swallows are still busy.
Last week, ol’ Nevah had a surprise when taking her morning walk as part of her hip- replacement therapy. She wuz moseying along and walked right upon a pair of skunks that were still foraging along our driveway. She quickly stopped and redirected and the stinky varmints didn’t unleash their odoriferous protection.
A kindly reader from Ainsworth, Neb., ol’ “Tip” D. Spencer, read about the tsunami of walnut webworms that have de-leafed my walnut trees. He said he had a solution. Here it is:
“All you need is a stick long enough to reach the webworms. We had an infestation of webworms in our plum thickets year after year. Just poke the end of the stick into the web and do a few zig-zags, enough to break open the web and spread most of the worms here and there for the birds to feast and not allow the worms to find their way back. They use a slimy trail to find their way back. This I promise will do the trick. At least we have not had a web worm in 5-6 years.”
Good advice, Tip, but too late for me this year. The webworms ate their way to maturity and went underground until next year, so no problem for me then. The worms will be Damphewmore Acres new owners’ problem then.
***
That’s because the builders are making fast progress on our new home. Nevah and I drove up to the build-site last week and found a beehive of activity. The sheet-rocking crew was rocking along and close to being done. Another crew was prepping the exterior for its first coat of paint.
The plumbing trenchers were almost finished with the trenches for the waterlines from the well to the house and outdoor hydrants.
The recalcitrant electric company had its trench dug for the underground electric service and transformer.
So, our new home news is “thumbs up.”
***
My words of wisdom this week come from a wise reader at Mt. Vernon, Mo. Here they are: “A golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers. The golf pro says they do, and they are $1.
The golfer gives the pro a dollar. The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in, and hands the golfer a dime to use as the marker.
This economic model is also used by our government”.
Have a good ‘un.
