Decoding cuss words

"Laugh Tracks in the Dust"

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Web: www.miloyield.com

This little story proves that there’s a lot that can be learned in the rural classroom — by students, teachers and administrators.

A second-grade boy, who wuz a rancher’s kid, started the school year with a new teacher. Before the first week of classes were over the lad’s teacher had sent him to the principal several times for using unseemly cuss words.

Finally, the principle decided to get to the bottom of the lad’s use of such profanity. “Where did you learn nasty words like the ones you’re using in class?” he asked the lad.

“From my father,” the lad innocently replied,

“Well, that’s surprising. But, at your tender young it’s still no reason for you to use them in school. I bet you don’t even know what those words mean.”

“I do, too,” the lad replied indignantly. “They mean the heifers are out of the pen again and are in with the bulls.”

***

A rural guy who seemed like a confirmed bachelor finally got married to a citified gal.

As the years passed, the wife tired of saying over and over again, “Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t take such big bites. Brush your teeth before you go to bed.”

Then, just when she thought she was finally got through with the training, along came the children!

***

Just when you think you’ve seen all the strange agricultural research going on in the world, you run across a true story like this one.

Here’s the gist of the research findings: “Using Artificial Intelligence to ‘decode’ the oinks and grunt of both free-range pigs and pigs in confinement, European researchers have developed an algorithm that when recorded and played for the pigs can keep them happier and more profitable.”

The scientists, from universities in Denmark, Germany, Switzerland, France, Norway and the Czech Republic, used thousands of recorded pig sounds in different scenarios, including play, isolation and competition for food, to find that grunts, oinks, and squeals reveal positive or negative emotions.

The algorithm demonstrated that pigs kept free-ranging outdoors with the ability to roam and dig in the dirt produced fewer stress calls than conventionally-raised pigs. Short grunts typically indicate positive emotions, while long grunts often signal discomfort, such as when pigs push each other by the trough. High-frequency sounds like screams or squeals usually mean the pigs are stressed, for instance, when they are in pain, fight, or are separated from each other.

The researchers believe that this method, once fully developed, could also be used to label farms, helping consumers make informed choices.

This research sounds goofy to me, but, I hope it works and didn’t cost too much.

***
Well, the election to determine our next president and congress is just around the corner. It’s a very important election. And, if you are like me, you’ve been inundated with all kinds of political “stuff,” from phone calls, to the mail box and the email box. All the “stuff” I’ve been sent, hasn’t changed my mind one whit. But, it’s been entertaining. So, I decided to include a sampling of just “stuff” contained in the political emails I’ve received in the last week. Here goes.

• “Tolerance will reach such a level that people will be banned from thinking, so as not to offend the imbeciles.” — Dostoevsky

• “The truth does not mind being questioned. A lie does not like being challenged.”

• “Idolizing a politician is like believing a stripper really likes you.”

• “No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.” — Mark Twain

• “If you want the truth, don’t ask me. If you want it sugarcoated, go eat a donut.”

• “I disagree with you. It doesn’t mean I dislike you or that I’m mad at you. It just means that I like you. I won’t treat you disrespectfully just because we share differing opinions. Give me the same respect.” — attributed to Clint Eastwood

• “Remember: when something goes wrong in the circus, they send in the clowns to distract the audience. Well, something has gone very wrong with the American political circus, and the clowns are everywhere.”

• “The Dunning-Kruger Effect is a type of cognitive bias where people with little expertise or ability assume they have superior expertise or ability. This overestimation occurs as a result of the fact that they don’t have enough knowledge to know they don’t have enough knowledge.”

• You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you, that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.” — attributed to Warren Buffett

• “Actions prove who someone is. Words just prove who they pretend to be.”

• “If it’s not yours, don’t take it. If it’s not right, don’t do it. If it’s not true, don’t say it. If you don’t know, shut up.”

• “The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the Axe, for the Axe was clever and convinced the Trees that because his handle was made of wood, he was one of them.” — Turkish Proverb

• “The sheep will spend it’s entire life fearing the wolf, only to be eaten by the shepherd.” — African Proverb.

***

I urge everyone to vote in the election. Folks ask me how I’m going to vote. I tell them I’m going to vote to try to re-establish the kind of Constitutional Republic, not a pure democracy, that our Founding Fathers strived to create and warned us pointedly about losing. That is a nation based on freedom, limited government and wide spread distribution of wealth, property and power.”

***

Words of wisdom for the week: “Voting the same — and expecting change — makes as much sense as having manure on your jeans and changing your shirt.” Have a good ‘un.

 

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