A morose, sad-eyed, downtrodden farmer wuz sitting at the bar one smothering, stifling afternoon staring at his frosty mug of beer, watching the condensing water run down the side of the mug and puddle on the bar.
Then a large, loud, trouble-making biker slams the front door to the bar, steps up next to the farmer, grabs his frosty mug and gulps the cold beer down in one swig.
Then he looked condescendingly over at the farmer and blares menacingly, “Well, whatcha’ gonna do about that you pansy farmer,” he said. “You gonna just sit there like a coward and take it?”
The farmer unexpectedly burst into tears.
“Aw, come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d cry. I was just being a biker bully. That’s what us bikers are supposed to do. It’s our schtick. It’s how we’re supposed to uphold biker tradition. In truth, fella, I can’t stand to see a grown man crying.”
“This is the worst month of my life, the worst week of my life, and the worst day of my life,” the farmer sniffles, wiping his eyes and nose on a red kerchief. “I’m a complete failure. My crops are drying up. My ponds are drying up. My dog bit me. My credit card in maxed out. My banker won’t speak to me. My wife and kids and parents disown me.
“Then this morning early my tractor broke down, so I came to town for parts. The dealership didn’t have the parts. So, I stopped here to ponder my life. After a few beers, I went outside to go home and I found my old pickup had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance.
“So, I walked down to the farm supply store and bought some rat poison pellets and came back to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I
ordered another drink with my last dollar. I dropped a few poison pellets into my beer and was sitting here watching the poison dissolve. And, then, bully you show up and drink the whole darned thing!”
“But, heck, enough about me, how are you doing?”
***
As I say about every week. You can’t live in the country without having frequent interactions with wildlife. This week it wuz a blacksnake again. Yesterday morning I wuz relaxed on riding my Country Clipper lawn mower cutting the patches of crabgrass and foxtail that have managed to stay green when I heard and felt a loud “WHUMP!”
I knew I’d hit something with the mower, but it didn’t sound like a tree limb and I knew it wuzn’t a rock. Then I saw the fore, mid, and aft sections of a big black snake that the mower spit out left, right, and front. It was an instantaneous demise for the snake and I wuz surprised that I didn’t see it before I chopped it up. It wuz a pure case of wrong time, wrong place, for the hapless, and headless, snake.
***
We got a little six-tenths of an inch of rain a few days ago and it perked everything up for a day or two. We need a lot more, but I’m thankful for the dribs and drabs of rain that we’ve been getting.
At any rate, it rained enuf to begin the blooming of the fall flowers — both tame and wild. The domesticated variety that erupted overnight were the Naked Lady flowers. The official name for the pink flower is Amaryllis Belladonna. They are fragrant light-pink flowers that appear in mid-August once their green foliage has died back. They bloom atop a stark stem with no leaves, giving them the common name of “Naked Ladies.”
The first and most obvious of the wildflowers are the Snow-on-the-Mountain. Their snow white blooms are nestled in a cluster of green on the top of a tall stem. Also, the first of the fall sunflowers are blooming, but the main sunflower season is still a few weeks away. While driving around on my ATV, I see that the Blazing Stars are preparing to bloom. It’s my favorite fall bloomer.
***
We’ve been busy getting ready for our downsizing auction. The date is Saturday, Sept. 16. We know we’ve got to get shed of a lot of stuff, before we move into our new home. The problem is what to sell and what to keep? Our big garage now has two growing stacks of “stuff.” One stack sells and the other moves.
Speaking of our new home. Construction is progressing rapidly. The exterior is painted, along with the trim. The sheet-rocking is done and the interior painting has begun. The electricity and water will be hooked up soon. The move-in date is projected to be October 1. We’ll wait and see it that date holds true.
***
Ol’ Nevah and I passed another marriage milestone on Aug. 16. We’ve been putting up with each other for 59 years. We had a quiet anniversary all to ourselves and ate at a nice restaurant in Emporia to celebrate. Next year, if we make it to 60, we’ll have a big blowout celebration.
***
Words of wisdom for the week: “Without freedom of speech, we wouldn’t know who the idiots are among us.” Have a good ‘un
