A friend of mine has two rambunctious elementary school aged sons who love to spend their time picking at each other and roughhousing. Well, a week ago, while the trio were visiting their uncle, the boys were roughhousing and the younger one clanked his head on their pickup and the result was that he knocked out part of one of his front teeth.
That wuz the bad part, but the funny part wuz that he immediately gave a big smile to all and announced, “Pretty neat. Now I look like a hillbilly!”
That may be true, but I’ll bet his dentist doesn’t have a “hillbilly discount.”
***
An elderly widow farm lady wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors. So, she went to the federal office and asked to get a passport.
“You must take the loyalty oath first,” the passport clerk said. “Raise your right hand, please.”
The senior citizen raised her right hand as the clerk asked, “Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, domestic or foreign?”
The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, “Well, I guess so, but, but … will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?”
***
R & R, friends from Colorado, shared this e-mail story with me:
Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven, only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. “I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others,” Mr. Einstein is told by the Heavenly Doorman.
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.
“See, here is your first roommate. He has an IQ of 180!”
“That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!”
“And here is your second roommate. His IQ is 150!”
“That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss physics!”
“And here is your third roommate. His IQ is 100!”
“That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!”
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it.
“I’m your last roommate. I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.”
Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think commodity and land prices are headed?”
***
The Flint Hills are now full of new foals, many of them registered Quarter Horses (Note to readers: I refuse to follow the Associated Press Guide Book’s dictate of using lower case letters when spelling the Quarter Horse breed. As far as I’m concerned, an animal breed name is a proper name and all proper names should be capitalized).
Many of the new foals are registered and I enjoy how many horse folks — both full-time aggies and others who are not full-time aggies — name their registered AQHA foals to reflect their occupations or other parts of their lifestyles.
For instance, a guy who makes his living baling hay named his new foal “Heza Tight Wound.”
Another guy who sells and installs electric fencing named his new foal “Hot Wired Shocker.”
A beer drinking gynecologist named his new filly “Pabst’s Test.”
A rural banker named his new foal “The Lone Arranger.”
A talkative social worker named her new stud colt “Country Gossip.”
A dairyman’s wife named her new filly “Rich Kreme.”
A guy with a new foal out of a rescued wild Mustang named the newcomer “Horizon Topper.”
A guy who runs a tire shops named his new colt “Blowout Lover.”
An antique shop owner named her new filly “The Great Patina.”
A plumber named his new colt “Unplugged.”
A bovine veterinarian’s new foal is named “Pal Pate.”
A doctor’s new colt is named “Poppa Pill.”
A greenhouse owner named his colt “Bloomin’ Bud.”
An insect exterminator put on his colt’s registration papers — “Bugszout.”
A lady lawyer saw fit to name her new filly “Sheza Smooth One.”
And, finally, a car/truck salesman named his new colt “Putoneoveronya.”
***
Now I know why I don’t take many long trips. It’s too much effort to get ready to go and I know it’ll take a lot of effort to catch up when I get home. But put all that aside and I’m sure ol’ Nevah and I will enjoy our trip to Tennessee to see our grandson Chance graduate from high school and to catch up on the happenings of all our Tennessee and Smoky Mountains family and friends.
***
Oh, I about forgot to mention that I’m now living with a champion. Ol’ Nevah’s a member of the champion team in a women’s league at the Flint Hills Bowl.
I’ll close with a few words of wisdom about graduation. Robert Orben said, “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells the students, all dressed in identical caps and gowns, that individuality is the key to success.”
I’ll buy that since we have five members of our extended family who are graduating from high school this spring. Have a good ‘un.
