In a highly regulated and zoned county, an ag building company was hired by an dairying company to erect a new building for milking cows. Of course, not a shovel could be turned until all the necessary permits were acquired and paid for.
The builder proposed gray roof metal and sidewalls, but the all-knowing county planners and zoners were insistent that the builder use more expensive — and supposedly more appealing — colored sheets of metal.
After much argument, members of the zoning council were finally persuaded that “natural microscopic plant growth” would quickly grow on the grey roof sheets if a dressing of manure was applied. The builder’s convincing (and creative) argument wuz that the “natural colorized” metal would blend in better with the rural environment.
So, the zoning council reversed course and approved the building permit – with the strict condition that an appropriate mix of manure and water be appropriately applied to the roof metal “by an employee of the builder.”
Sometimes, it pays better to be creative than to be skillful.
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As those who work in agriculture know, anything can happen when you’re out on a farm and there are millions of ways strange, funny or even scary things can happen. Here’s a story I call a good ‘un.”
On a big-run sale day at a local cattle auction, a prominent cattleman and auction regular had brought a load of high-quality feeder cattle and was hoping to top the market and get his name in the weekly report. As usual his trusty black-and-white Border Collie dog never left his side.
When it came close to the time for his cattle to sell, the rancher encouraged a good neighbor to stand in front of him at a corner of the sale ring rail. The neighbor’s instructions were to push the bid when the cattleman gave him an obscure signal.
Everything wuz set when the bidding got underway and, during the auctioneer’s chant, the neighbor got a tap on on the backside of his knee, which he interpreted as his signal to push the bid, which he did. The auctioneer took his bid. Other buyers responded with a higher bid.
This happened several times in the next minute. The neighbor thought to himself that the cattleman was going to get burnt, but the owner knows best, so he kept bidding.
Well he finally stopped getting bid signals from the cattleman, and another bidder got the cattle at a market-topping price.
The neighbor turned around to the cattleman and said: “You were lucky. I thought you weren’t going to quit giving me bid signals. The cattleman replied: “I never did give you a signal.” That’s when they both looked down to see his very happy Border Collie which had been tapping the back of the neighbor’s leg with its wagging tail.
I know Border Collies are clever, but I never thought they knew the value of cattle.
***
A surveyor drove up to a rural farmstead to stake out the site for a new farm shop. When he got out of his truck, he encountered a very big and fierce-looking Alsatian guard dog. It made the surveyor cease what he wuz doing.
But, then, the farmer emerged from the house at the sound of the dog barking and announced: “Don’t worry. He won’t bite you, but he does make a good detergent.”
The surveyor managed to contain his smile at the malapropism.
***
Two rural realtors met at the farm with both seller and buyer of a hopeful multi-million dollar farm sale. They hoped to facilitate the settling of prices for a newly erected hay barn, growing crops, diesel fuel in the tanks and hay in the barn. The negotiations were tricky, but they successfully got the seller and buyer to reach an agreement.
All that was left to negotiate a price for wuz a very large pile of cattle manure in the corner of one of the fields.
The buyer was adamant that it had fertilizer and soil-building value to it and he expected $2,000 for it.
The buyer was equally adamant that he wasn’t going to pay a penny for a pile of cattle dung on a multimillion-dollar sale. He invited the seller to cart it away if it was so valuable.
Buyer and seller locked horns with neither budging for what seemed like an age. It even seemed that it might screw up the sale.
That’s when the senior realtor pulled out his checkbook and started writing a check. “I’ll pay $2,000 for the manure pile,” he huffed, looking at the seller.
That settled the deal. The farm sold and the senior realtor got both his share of the commission check and the benefits of a big manure pile.
***
Tariffs have garnered the world’s attention. They have caused a gigantic see-saw, yo-yo in the global equity markets.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. The U.S. is going about tariffs the wrong way. Here’s how I think tariffs should be handled to assure that the trade books are balanced. Here’s an aggie example of what I’m talking about.
Assume the U.S. has a 30% tariff on China. A U.S. importer orders $10-million of Chinese widgets at a mutually-agreed price. But, before the widgets are shipped, China must deposit $3-million of tariff funds into a “trade escrow account.”
Then, once the escrow account is set, the Chinese can redeem it by buying $3-million of U.S. soybeans or corn (or anything else). Once that happens, the trade books are balanced.
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Words of wisdom for the week: “Sometimes complicated problems have simple solutions.” Have a good ‘un.
