The government and insurance companies often issue lists of the most dangerous jobs in America based on deaths per thousand. I have a sharp and dangerous ax to grind with such lists because a job can be extremely dangerous without killing you.
Logging is usually the most dangerous job in America and I have no objection with this assessment. And I take no offense with the inclusion of roofers, iron workers and underground miners. It’s when they get around to agriculture that I dispute their placings. Most lists lump ranching and farming together in one category which usually falls about number ten on the lists of the most dangerous jobs. But I see absolutely no reason why delivery truck driving should be considered more dangerous than bull riding. So to put right this great injustice I have made my own list of the ten most dangerous jobs.
#10- Horseshoer- Baseball catchers have the most dangerous job in baseball and are often considered for inclusion in the dangerous job category, but not so the lowly horseshoer. The catcher gets to wear all sorts of protective equipment including a cup but when a horseshoer catches a high, hard and fast one in the groin he is totally defenseless. That’s why most elderly horseshoers are jumpy, grumpy and walk all hunched over.
#9- Large Animal Vet- These folks live life out on the edge! There are just too many ways a vet can be injured from catching anthrax or rabies to getting hit in a vehicular accident because he or she nodded off at the wheel from a lack of sleep. Too many knives, scalpels and needles are involved to say that this occupation is less dangerous than airplane pilots and trash collectors.
#8- Cowboys- Carpenters are always listed amongst the top ten most dangerous jobs but not cowboys. But I’d bet cowboys are missing more digits than hammer jockeys are. Cowboys dicker with death every day from trying to stay outa-the-wire to riding knot-headed horses that can bury you in a variety ways. And there’s usually no emergency room or med stop within a hundred miles.
#7-Slaughterhouse Worker- Working in a slaughterhouse is like sleepwalking into an airplane propeller. There are booby traps everywhere and sharp knives are slippery from blood, water and assorted entrails. Being a truck driver is NOT more dangerous than working in a slaughterhouse.
#6- Auction Market Owner- If you question my judgement here you’ve probably never sorted mad cows or been run over by one-ton bulls in a sorting alley. If you survive that wreck there’s always the strain associated with a big buyer going broke leaving you with a seven figure bad check.
#5- Bulldogger- Death sits in the saddle every time a bulldogger lowers himself down from a speeding horse on to a rack of horns belonging to a four footed bovine track star. And keep in mind, every time they lean over to “take the bull by the horns” they are working without a net.
#4- Bull Rider- When the bull riding begins the ambulance goes on full alert for a “load and go” or a “scoop and scoot.” I’m really glad bull riders started wearing Kevlar® vests and catcher’s masks but they still face the possibility of going on the ‘long sleep’ every time they willingly fasten themselves to a one-ton man-killing machine.
#3- Rodeo Clown- I went back and forth on which job is more dangerous, riding a bull or playing tag with one. Let’s call it a tie. Talk about a moth that falls in love with a flame. I fail to see the attraction here.
#2- Hole Blocker- This person, almost always your wife, is the person who jumps up and down frantically waving her hands to stop cattle from escaping through a hole or gap in a fence or corral. She plays the ultimate game of chicken with an outraged herd of oncoming bovines. On average, I’d say she wins about half the time.
#1- Cattle Feeder- There’s no one more courageous and no occupation as dangerous as being an independent cattle feeder. If you don’t get run over by a banker, gored by regulators or driven to drink by a greedy packer you’ll probably end up stroking out at fifty from all the stress.
