Lately is seems like I’ve seen dogs in places where mutts have traditionally not been allowed entrance, like the grocery store and restaurants. And pooping on neighbors property instead of their own. It’s gotten to the point where I think someone needs to establish a few rules and boundaries before this gets totally out of control. So here are my top ten places you should NEVER take your dog.
#10 The Tire Store- Think about it. A dog in a tire store is just like the proverbial kid in a candy store. Surrounded by tires of every description there’s entirely too much temptation for a dog to lift his leg on every brand new Michelin and Goodyear in the place.
#9 Microchip Day for Cats At The Library- Cats are going to be stressed out enough about having a microchip implanted in their ear that will allow them to be tracked 24-7. You know how cats are so insecure and such conspiracy theorists to begin with. Throw a dog or two into the mix and the fur will fly. The noise alone would be enough to distract serious readers, researchers and lecherous old men leering at porn.
#8 The Car Wash- I know there’s a strong inclination to put the dog in the back of your truck and then running it through the car wash, thus getting a two-for-one deal. Realize that if you do the pooch will forever after insist on riding up front with you right after rolling in a pile of horse manure.
#7 The Bank- Whereas humans most often go to the bank to make withdrawals your dog is more apt to leave a deposit. Please be advised, If the bank President steps in it you’ll never get a loan from that establishment ever again.
#6 A Furniture Store- Trust me, as the grandson of a furniture store owner I can assure you that no one wants to buy a “brand new” recliner with dog hair all over it. Especially if the furniture smells like the previous occupant had cabbage, anchovies and some bad cheese for dinner.
#5 The Theater- No one wants to have a Rottweiller eyeing their popcorn or bon bons over the back of the seat in front of them right in the middle of a scary movie.
#4 The Nude Beach- For a dog, seeing wrinkly old men and sagging old ladies in the buff could be such a traumatic incident that the dog will have nightmares for the rest of its life. In extreme cases, it could be such a scary and scarring experience that they’ll run out in front of the first cement truck they see.
#3 Church- You know how at every funeral or wedding in a church there’s always the embarrassed mom who has to take her baby outside when it starts crying? That will be you if you insist on taking your yapping purse dog into the hallowed halls of a church.
#2 A Concert- If you insist on taking your dog to a Limp Biskit, Ozzie Osbourne or Paris Hilton concert your dog’s caterwauling and howls will be heard three counties away.
#1 The Hospital- There’s a reason there is no such thing as a “bring your dog to work day” at the hospital. The chances are just too great that your dog could bring bacteria and bad bugs into an otherwise sterile environment. There’s also the possibility that an orthopedic surgeon might throw his dog a bone every once in awhile.
