Why I’m so smart

Laugh Tracks in the Dust

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This week I learned why I’m so smart. It’s because I have a bigger brain. How do I know I have a bigger brain? Because British researchers have proven it.
Now, what did the Limey researchers find out that caused my bigger and smarter brain? Because I take regular naps!
Yup, regular naps — that’s the unlocked secret for keeping old geezers like me alert and always in a learning mode.
You think I’m kidding? Well, here’s the actual words from an article published in The Guardian: “Taking a short nap during the day helps to protect the brain’s health as it ages, researchers have suggested after finding that the practice appears to be associated with larger brain volume. Other work has revealed that a brief doze can improve an elder person’s ability to learn … Now researchers say they have found evidence to suggest napping may help to protect against brain shrinkage. That is of interest, the team says, as brain shrinkage, a process that occurs with age, is accelerated in people with cognitive problems and neurodegenerative diseases … napping regularly provides some protection against neurodegeneration through compensating for poor sleep … having a short daytime nap … helps preserve brain volume and that’s a positive thing … research suggests a nap duration of up 30 minutes may be beneficial.”
The Brit research shows just how smart I am because I’m smart enuf to take a nap of at least 30 minutes almost every day.
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As if poultry producers don’t already face enuf problems, here’s more bad news. For the first time, our good ol’ USDA has approved the sale of fake-chicken made from animal cells. Those astute folks gave the green light to two California firms, naturally, (pun intended) to sell meat that doesn’t come from slaughtered animals — what’s now being referred to as “cell-cultivated” or “cultured” meat as it emerges from the laboratory and arrives on dinner plates.
The news comes with the expected claptrap about saving the planet’s environment and preventing the slaughter of meat chickens, whose only purpose on Earth is to feed hungry folks and make Colonel Sanders rich and to enrich the stockholders of Chic Filet and Popeyes.
And, to all the good folks who lust for finger-lickin’ fried chicken, just in case this fake chicken ever arrives on a plate served to you, remember cultivated meat is grown in steel tanks, using unpronounceable ingredients that could make your stomach churn.
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I’m on a gripe roll now, so why stop? Quite possibly, your rust-free car or truck knows a lot about you. Over the past decade, vehicles have become increasingly connected and their ability to record data about us has shot up. Cars can track where you’re traveling to and from, record every press on the accelerator as well as your seatbelt settings, and gather biometric information about you. Some of this data is sold by the murky data-broker industry.
Most most modern vehicles as “smartphones on wheels,” as they’re able to collect heaps of data and wirelessly send that information to manufacturers.
Broadly, all manufacturers are likely to collect personal information that can be classed as an identifier. These include your name, address, driving license number, phone number, email, and other information and your “driving behavior.” Some models can even scan your face for face recognition when you enter one of its vehicles.
You can draw your own conclusions about who benefits the most from gathering info on drivers. But, if any of my vehicles capture a face scan of me, my face probably will be frowning or scowling.
Makes me wonder if self-propelled farm equipment is similarly equipped to capture private data?
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And, news about the American under-graduate education system is disheartening. American 13-year-old students’ test scores in math and reading got significantly worse last year. The decline in math scores last year was the biggest in the past 50 years, according to the newly released “The Nation’s Report Card.”
From the article I read, about 8,700 students took the assessments at about 460 schools across the country. The lowest-performing students scored at levels last recorded in the 1970s, when the assessment began. Scores declined among all racial and ethnic groups, and among both male and female students, and across urban, suburban and rural areas.
Plus, fewer students said they frequently read for fun, which is associated with higher achievement. Test results from earlier this year showed that U.S. history scores among middle schoolers are also falling.
I wonder what the future looks like for students who can’t do math, can’t read or don’t like to read, and don’t understand history?
However, despite the national report card, I’d be willing to wager that students from small rural schools scored better than students from large urban centers. But, I admit, that’s just a biased guess.
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Well, folks. I hope you haven’t forgotten where you stashed your stocking caps, mittens, and red, trap-door longjohns. Why? Because the summer solstice has passed and we’re headed toward dreaded winter again.
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A farmer was called for jury duty during the wheat harvest. He pled with the court to excuse him from jury duty. When the  judge asked him why he should be excused, the farmer said, “Your Honor, I owe an old man $100 and he’s leaving in a few hours to live in Europe. I want to repay him before he leaves. It might be my last chance to repay him.”
“Excused,” the judge said coldly. “I don’t want anyone of this jury who can off-the-cuff lie like that!”
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Words of wisdom for the week: “There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.” Have a good ‘un.

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