Well, most of another deer hunting season has gone by the wayside and, as I expected, I’m still venisonless. My neighborhood kids that I call the Patient Duo harvested a fat doe that I helped them retrieve from the field, but other than that, I got nuthin’ but a clueless coyote. However, all is not lost, there’s another antlerless-only season that runs Jan. 1-7. So, I’ve got another remote chance.
***
Seldom does a hunting season pass that one or more of my friends has something funny happen. This season, it happened to my hunting/fishing friend, ol’ Duncan Fetchitt. Here’s the way he told the story to me last Friday when he and I were quail hunting on his farm north of Americus, Kan.
It wuz a pretty, sunny day and we were riding in my utility vehicle along the top of his watershed dam when I asked Duncan if he’d been fishing lately. He laughed and said, “Well, sorta. Just yesterday I spend a couple of hours with a rod and reel right there by that fishing jetty.”
I asked, “Did you catch anything?”
Duncan responded, “Yep, it took me two hours to land it and I broke the line twice.”
Puzzled, I asked, “Just what were you catching?”
Duncan replied with a wry grin, “My canvas deer blind.”
“What?” I queried.
Duncan explained, “Well, Milo. I had my deer blind staked down over the hill about a half mile to the northwest and the wind blew it down and away. I looked for it and couldn’t find it, but then, yesterday I saw a corner of it sticking out of the water in this watershed. The wind had blown it a half mile into the water. So, I went to the house and got my biggest fishing rod and the strongest fishing line and went to work pulling that deer blind out of the water. (I’ll mention here that the deer blind in question is about 5x5x6 feet in size.) I hooked it easily, but getting it to the bank was another matter altogether. It took two hours and I broke the line twice. But, I finally inched it to the bank — none the worse for wear and tear once it dries out. However, I lost my canvas hunting stool and I haven’t found it yet.”
Well, Milo to the rescue. We were hunting quail near where his deer blind had been set up and I looked down in the grass and, lo, stumbled right onto his canvas hunting stool.
I consider that quite the funny hunting story. I’ll bet Duncan stakes that deer blind down tighter next time he uses it.
I’ll mention that our bird dogs were good, the quail were wild and fast, and our shooting reflected our advancing ages. We got four quail out of four coveys that the dogs found. My reflexes ain’t as good as 40 years ago.
***
My Colorado friend Jay Esse says he overheard this conversation at the coffee shop among the farmers and ranchers sipping and gossiping there.
First man: “What are you getting your wife for Christmas?”
Second man: “She told me nuthin’ would make her happier for Christmas than a good, well-broke barrel racing horse.”
First man: “So, are you getting her that horse?”
Second man: “No, going by what she said would make her the happiest, I’m getting her nuthin’.”
***
He also overheard about the usefulness of a fully equipped and furnished man cave:
“My man-cave is just like home to me, especially since my wife changed all the locks on our house.”
***
My buddy Willie Jay from Missouri says he’s figgered out a lot during his long and fruitful marriage. He says if you want your wife to pay close attention to what you’re saying, pretend you’re talking in your sleep. He also says that if it wuzn’t for his good and faithful wife, he’s have went through his whole marriage thinking he had no faults at all.
And, finally, he says he overheard his wife’s prayer before she climbed into bed. She prayed, “Dear, Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man. I pray to love and forgive him, faults and all. And, finally, Lord, I pray for patience to deal with his changing moods, because if I prayed for strength, I’m afraid I would whale on him unmercifully.”
***
An old Kansas farmer got his first laptop computer as an early Christmas present. As he struggled to get the contraption up and running, he wuz instructed to enter a password with at least eight characters and to include one capital.
Here’s his new password: “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyTopeka.”
***
Our 2017 Yield Christmas letter wuz long, trivial and windy. I think I’ve already decided on what to write in our 2018 holiday letter.
It will read: “Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Nevah and I are good.
We spent the year eating, sleeping and watching television.”
That’s what I shoulda done this year. Have a good ‘un.
